Like many other wounded warriors from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, incredible advances in battlefield medicine and training allowed me to survive that attack on October 18, 2006, and in previous wars and conflicts I certainly would have died. In fact, Corpsman Grant told me that when he first rolled me over, I was no longer breathing. The flip side of that is our recoveries are so long and arduous, and for many of us, life-long. They are often not easy, typically painful, and usually milestoned by a significant amount of continuing surgeries that, while are all steps in the right direction, often inflict more pain, stress and challenges on the individual warrior and his/her family and loved ones. This struggle is what I want to address today.

As a motivational speaker, I try to focus on the positive and to continually better myself. My wife and I spend a lot of time on self-coaching, professional development, and reading material about people who have made incredible lives for themselves and have so much to teach us. But the truth is, life is constantly so challenging compared to what it was like before I was shot. For instance, when I was shot in the face, the bullet knocked out almost all of my original teeth. It took almost 15 years and many surgeries before my upper jaw was strong enough to support dentures. So, up until just a couple of months ago, I could not bite into any food – I had to cut everything up (pizza, apples, celery, etc.), and push it to the back of my mouth where I still have four molars. And I have to wear a bib or large napkin at every meal because of the huge mess that I make every time (despite the new dentures, that still happens today). That may not sound like a big deal, but imagine knowing that before you start every meal you will make a mess, that almost every drink you take will somehow spill onto you, and that you cannot possibly talk until your mouth is once again completely empty. 

This is just one example.  Also imagine what it must be like to consistently recognize curious stares from strangers, to face constant pain despite years of rehab, and always wonder what life would be like if you had just done one small thing differently on that fateful day. I could also detail having to wear an eye patch when I play golf because of extensive eye damage and what it feels like knowing everyone is wondering why the hell I do that. I could talk about how frustrating it to have to constantly repeat myself because I can’t (and never will be able to) speak perfectly clearly.  And while I have worked through a lot of my PTSD due to some really helpful counseling over 18 months, I still struggle with certain topics and thoughts. But I hope that you get the point that while I try hard to inspire and motivate other people, there is a constant drumbeat in the background of harsh reality that colors everything.

So, on my 15^th Alive Day, I want to start with the fact that I am so grateful to still be here, but to remind the American public that many of are still suffering, and the wars ending in Iraq and Afghanistan won’t end that. My heart broke recently at the very end of the Afghanistan withdrawal which was accompanied by bomb blasts that killed American servicemen and women, and also permanently and violently injured more of our own. I know what they are going to go through, as much as one wounded warrior can understand the pain and frustration of another. To that end, I hope that we as a nation don’t merely look with pride at our wounded warriors who have pushed through their challenges and found a “new normal,” but also remember that they (or at least some of us), are still fighting battles you will never see. 

I am not looking for pity – far from it. I want the American public to stay in the fight with us, to continue supporting nonprofit organizations that provide critical resources for our wounded warriors and caregivers. I want the public to understand that while we do put our best face forward on social media, we often may need a hand up, even if it has been 15 years since our injury. And I want everyone to appreciate that it truly does take a village, and your nation’s wounded warriors need support. I am blessed with an incredible wife who has been the cornerstone of my recovery, but we periodically still need help from others. Perhaps “Thank you for your service” should be followed by “Is there anything I can do to help?”. I am not the same as I once was, and that fact is still painful.

If you have made it this far, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your interest and caring. Please know that I recognize how lucky I am to still be here on “the right side of the grass”, and strive to help others who are facing adversity in life. Together we can make a huge difference in the lives of others who are facing daily challenges and may not have easy access to the resources they need and deserve.ph